After in Star Wars IX: the Jedi Menace Strikes Back in Return Yoda killed Anakuke Skywalker, Luke's son, to marry Emperor Palpatine's sister-in-law, those two being still alive due to their home on the planet on which you were always young that was found in Star Trek: Insurrection, R2-D2 grew upset of the fact that despite it was he who did all the job, he was always seen as a secondary character.

     So in Star Wars X: Rebel Assault for a New and Last Hope of Seeing this Damn Saga End One Day, R2-D2 decided he would take action. At the beginning of the movie, there's the usual prelude: (screen scrolling)

Episode X

Now anarchy is present on all planets member of the Rebel Alliance, and there's no Jedi left to save it. Unfortunately, Yoda has gone senile.

Taking advantage of the situation, the Empire tries to reinforce its positions by invading many civilisations and imposing heavy taxes on trade routes. The strategy is successful, and soon its infamous storm troopers are everywhere to be seen in the galaxy. The construction of a new Death Star is ordered, and there seem to be less and less hope everyday for the poor people who are made slaves by the Empire.

The situation continues to worsen until the Imperial engineers find out that the Death Star, which is now operational, won't make it through the Y2K-by-Imperial-reckoning bug that will happen at the end of the year. That's when R2-D2 makes his appearance...

     As simple as it appeared to be, the little droid's plan wouldn't be that easy to realise. The first part of it required that he went on the Death Star. To that end, during the night he stabbed C3PO in the back with one of his many high-tech screwdrivers and made a small spacecraft for himself out of his inert body. The Death Star was quite far from the planet he was on, so the Imperial intergalactic defences had enough time to spot him on their radar screens before he was at destination. When they did locate R2-D2's tiny spaceship, they sent a squadron of Tie-Fighters to destroy it. Having planned everything, the robot started emitting a series of his blips on the frequency of the Imperial fighters' radios, so loud their cockpit blew up from the ultrasounds' strength.

     After this easy victory, R2-D2 was able to approach the Death Star. A barrage of laser fire welcomed him. He skillfully dodged it, and went to the surface of the manmade aster where the defensive cannons greeted him with yet another forceful line of fire. He was especially surprised at the fact that there was indeed sound when the weapons fired and when there were explosions. Perhaps in other galaxies it was different. Anyway, he managed to find a way into the Death Star where others Tie-Fighters were sent to chase after him. The "corridors" were particularly narrow, and it was arduous to manoeuvre. Many a fighter met its end in that chase. Then, R2-D2 saw a gate which had almost finished closing! He passed straight through it, almost getting crushed by the massive metal doors, and crash-landed in what appeared to be a storage room for armament. Once the gate was completely closed, the droid was plunged in total darkness and got out of what used to be C3PO. He was lucky the room was empty. He found the exit and got into the labyrinth of the Death Star...

     Security was tight, Imperial storm troopers were around every corner. R2-D2 passed without being noticed, looking like an Imperial trashcan. He wandered for hours in the huge war construction, but finally found what he was looking for: the command centre. He entered it, and fell face to face with an officer who tried to shoo him away: "Hey, a trashcan like you has nothing to do in here. We've got enough trashcans already anyway." R2-D2 forwarded into the officer's tibia, you know, where it hurts a lot and you can't walk for a few seconds afterwards, and the man went down.

     A red code was immediately called: there was an intruder in the command centre, threatening the safety of the Death Star. In an instant, the droid was surrounded by Imperial troopers and nothing was moving. R2-D2 let out a few blips which meant: "I have data of the highest importance for the commander of this intergalactic crap." Though directly insulted, nobody acted against him. The commander was called.

     R2-D2 made a few sounds of surprise when the commander arrived. Darth Vader: "Yes, I am still alive, thanks to George Lucas's extraordinary scenario. You'd never have guessed, huh? Shhhhh-phroooo!" General laughter ensued.

     It was then decided that Darth Vader and R2-D2 would go fight in one of those immense halls with bridges everywhere over bottomless pits which had apparently no other use than looking cool that you only saw in Star Wars movies during the fights with lightsabres. That's what they did.

     Vader was the first to switch on his sabre. R2-D2 then turned on his own, which was situated in his little round rotative eye. It was an improvement of that movie. The two opponents slowly turned around, and the combat began. Vader stroke first to judge of the reactions of his enemy, and the droid easily dodged. "What did you want to tell me, R2-D2?"

     "Blip! Fuuuuuuii-dip! Blipip!"

     "How do you know the Death Star won't make it through the Y2K bug? And how do you also know how to fix it in consequences?"

     "Blip! Blip! Grrrzuit! Fuuui!"

     "What?!?"

     Learning R2-D2 would only save the Death Star if he helped him in killing Palpatine and making him Emperor, Darth Vader jumped on the little blue-and-white robot, lashing fiercely. Once again, R2-D2, within whom apparently the Force was very strong, blocked and parried with ability. The combat raged for long minutes, until Vader managed to make a strike which would have cut the droid's hand, had he been human. They slowed for an instant. Once again, R2-D2 made a series of blips. Those meant: "Anakin, I am your father." Darth Vader yelled: ""Nooooooooooo!" and he accidentally fell into a bottomless pit.

     While falling, Vader had lost his helmet. R2-D2 put it on his head and went back to the command centre, where he was acclaimed by the staff. The new commander immediately fixed the Death Star's computers in order to allow them to pass the year 2000 without problems. This done, he gave an ultimatum to Emperor Palpatine asking him to hand over the crown, or else... Palpatine, seeing his troops had turned against him, didn't dare oppose any resistance. Anyway, he was too old for this.

     The construction of a pink-and-white droid which looked just like R2-D2 was ordered, and once finished she became R2-D2's Empress and together they lived happy and had a lot of little R2-D2s.

     "Gee, is that really the way the movie goes, daddy?"
     "No, it's not, now shut up and let me go to bed."